Letting Go of Failure: Learning to See Success
Kara wants to be more active so she feels more healthy overall and knows that she’s taking good care of her body. She sets out a plan that works for her: two runs per week and one yoga session in addition to her usual round of frisbee with her friends.
The first two weeks fly by and Kara feels really on course. But then she is consumed by a family emergency. She still makes it out for one run that week which helps clear her head. The following week, though, she misses all of her workouts.
Letting Go of Failure: Learning to See Success
She tells others - and herself - that with everything that’s going on, she just doesn’t have time right now. Seeing reminders from the GoGetFit app saying, “You missed a workout, time to reschedule,” just makes her feel like more of a failure. Demoralized, she’d rather not think about it.
Beginning a new fitness routine can feel like a huge undertaking; it usually is. You’re ambitious at first and often set goals that are driven by enthusiasm. Inevitably you miss a workout, then two, or even a whole week. After that you feel like you have to start from the beginning. You might even feel embarrassed, that you’ve failed, or simply can’t do it.
To succeed in building healthy habits you need to let go of the idea of failure. Missing workouts - even a whole week of them - doesn’t mean it’s too hard or that you can’t do it. It simply means you haven’t established a habit - yet.
Mindset is a major component of this; we tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. Are you disappointed in Kara? Do you think she’s a failure? Of course not. She’s a human with things going on in her life; there will be bumps in the road.
As we’ve discussed before, the best way to set yourself up for success is to start small - one habit at a time. Sure, if it wasn’t for the emergency, Kara might’ve been able to continue with her workouts until they were cemented into her weekly routine.
But regardless of how many activities you have planned for the week, the key is to keep the habit even if you are tight on time. Don’t have the time or energy to do your planned 3k run? Do 1k instead. This doesn’t mean you failed to run 3k; it means you succeeded in running 1k.
But, some days you might be really tight on time and if you run at all you’ll need to shower and change, which makes it take a little longer. No problem: walk around the block instead. Just put your shoes on and get out the door for a few minutes because this is when you scheduled your activity.
Learn, Don’t “Fail”
Turn every “failure” into a learning experience. You might realize that you need to change your commitment and that’s okay. Thirty minutes might be too long right off the bat; adjust it to 15. Maybe some days you’ll overshoot and make it to 30 minutes - eventually that might be standard for you. Regardless, meeting your target is a success, no matter if it was your original goal or not. This feeling of accomplishment will propel you through your next workout and the rest of your week.
Resetting smaller, more attainable goals could be what sets you on the path to lifelong success with developing and maintaining healthy habits. By letting go of “failure” you also empower yourself to support yourself in the way that you always support your friends and family.
And yes, sometimes you are going to miss a workout, but this is nothing to be scared of, feel bad about, or a reason to quit. Instead of feeling inadequate or uncertain about what to do, use the opportunity to develop a vision for a realistic path to success for yourself.
When something comes up that gets in the way of your activities, even if you stop altogether for a while, adjust your plans and goals so that you are going to be able to stay on course more easily next time - when you are ready. Take time for yourself and set an expected date to get back to it. Be compassionate and kind to yourself. Even if there’s nothing going on in your life, sometimes we just need to take some time for self-care and do things that make us happy. Allow yourself to feel good about that and enjoy taking care of yourself. If you do that today, perhaps tomorrow taking care of yourself will mean making time to exercise.
The idea of failure has no place here; there is no deadline, no competition, and no judgement. You are succeeding and succeeding at the pace and in the way that is right for you. That will be different for everyone, and it will even change for you as you progress. Some days and weeks you will feel more successful than others, but all of them are successful. You’re creating a habit, and that takes time; more importantly it takes you being supportive of yourself.
Support yourself. In the meantime, that’s what we’re here for – as an unconditional voice of support as you make changes for a life of better health.